well written - exactly how I feel as a Palo Alto mom who drank the kool aid and read JLH's book on How to Raise an Adult.
Now seeing the book written through the lens of a sexual predator who grooms young women in her workplace - the book is the Battle Hymn of a Sexual Predator who doesn't want to be caught while they groom their next victim
JLH should step down from Palo Alto City council - it's disgusting she is still sitting on council.
Having parented over the past decade in Palo alto, and tried to break out of the pressure cooker, what is your take about it all in hindsight? What actually ends up mattering and what's a waste of time and energy?
Great question and not one that can be easily answered in 1-2 sentences.
What matters?
Ultimately your relationship with your kid.
I think there is a lot of propaganda that goes on in PAUSD that I spend a lot of time deprogramming my kids from and that is an energy waster. Trying to teach them to think critically has taken up time.
Not every family needs to drink the kool aid, but when one doesn't espouse the same parenting philosophy of JLH, then Palo Alto is an unforgiving place where socially righteous parents feel it's their job to educate and reprimand you.
Lots of quiet and loud judgment happening amongst parents in Palo Alto and that too is a time/energy waster if you try responding to those criticisms. Your post did a lovely piece of providing a very logical perspective that differs from the current trending sentiment of affluent, competitive Palo Alto.
That is why JLH still can hold her head up high in Palo Alto and act self righteous saying "it was 2 consenting adults"and continue to be on the City Council even after her dishonest actions. Instead of resigning, she continues on and has reactivated her substack (it went dark for a while after the affair became known), as well as reactivating her page for Julie for Congress again.
I have many, many children, far too many to do modern attachment parenting. But I do agree with you that we expect children to grow up very fast in the early years. It's noticeable in academics where we assume 5-year-olds are always ready to learn to read.
I homeschool, so I'm very dialed in to my children's academics and I have yet to have a child, no matter how bright, who really figures out reading and basic math before age seven. Once they get the hang of it, they can usually complete a grade of material in a few months and they blast through the entire elementary school curriculum, but the local school system is utterly ill-equipped to deal with a developmental timeline like my family's.
I think it's one factor driving all the pediatric diagnoses of ADHD and the like. Why would I want my children to go through the same terrible experience in the schools that my husband and I had?
While I agree not all kids can learn to read early, I know many kids who learned to read by 5. I myself learned to read by 3 or 4 in two languages. My friend's kid was reading by 2.5. Math follows quickly behind. My kid is 4 and is starting to read small words. A few weeks ago she figured out how to write "poop" and has been laughing like a maniac.
I don't think it should be an expectation at school, I don't think kids can be taught to read en masse at school at a young age, but parents can do so with play and 1-1 instruction.
I also grew up in a very different setting where there were a lot of children but also a corresponding large number of adults, so kids picked up skills from the grownups much faster than settings where it's a nuclear family with lots of kids, or a daycare, or one- two kids with parents and nannies.
There are definitely kids who can do it earlier, but the trend in American education has been to start serious academics earlier and earlier. I'm 36 and when I was a child, kindergarten was optional, half day, and non-academic. It's now full day and they teach the kids to read. Huge change.
My developmentally delayed son is eligible for special education preschool. The local district assumes a child, right after their third birthday, can handle being away from Mommy from 7:40am-2:15pm, five days a week, and that this is THE MOST RESPONSIBLE way to manage a disabled child. Many disabled three year olds are little more than giant babies and it's so sad.
Oh don't get me started on how quickly and easily they expect kids to be away from parents. They don't even bother soothing the children when they cry in some places and that's why I avoided daycare for the longest time.
I went to half day kindergarten in India and they somehow did teach us to read and write, though I mostly remember just waiting for it to be time to go home.
well written - exactly how I feel as a Palo Alto mom who drank the kool aid and read JLH's book on How to Raise an Adult.
Now seeing the book written through the lens of a sexual predator who grooms young women in her workplace - the book is the Battle Hymn of a Sexual Predator who doesn't want to be caught while they groom their next victim
JLH should step down from Palo Alto City council - it's disgusting she is still sitting on council.
Having parented over the past decade in Palo alto, and tried to break out of the pressure cooker, what is your take about it all in hindsight? What actually ends up mattering and what's a waste of time and energy?
Great question and not one that can be easily answered in 1-2 sentences.
What matters?
Ultimately your relationship with your kid.
I think there is a lot of propaganda that goes on in PAUSD that I spend a lot of time deprogramming my kids from and that is an energy waster. Trying to teach them to think critically has taken up time.
Not every family needs to drink the kool aid, but when one doesn't espouse the same parenting philosophy of JLH, then Palo Alto is an unforgiving place where socially righteous parents feel it's their job to educate and reprimand you.
Lots of quiet and loud judgment happening amongst parents in Palo Alto and that too is a time/energy waster if you try responding to those criticisms. Your post did a lovely piece of providing a very logical perspective that differs from the current trending sentiment of affluent, competitive Palo Alto.
That is why JLH still can hold her head up high in Palo Alto and act self righteous saying "it was 2 consenting adults"and continue to be on the City Council even after her dishonest actions. Instead of resigning, she continues on and has reactivated her substack (it went dark for a while after the affair became known), as well as reactivating her page for Julie for Congress again.
"You’re not supposed to hear a kid cry for more than a year in the first 6 months" Do you mean a minute? Sorry I got confused by that sentence.
Yes. That got phrased weirdly.
I have many, many children, far too many to do modern attachment parenting. But I do agree with you that we expect children to grow up very fast in the early years. It's noticeable in academics where we assume 5-year-olds are always ready to learn to read.
I homeschool, so I'm very dialed in to my children's academics and I have yet to have a child, no matter how bright, who really figures out reading and basic math before age seven. Once they get the hang of it, they can usually complete a grade of material in a few months and they blast through the entire elementary school curriculum, but the local school system is utterly ill-equipped to deal with a developmental timeline like my family's.
I think it's one factor driving all the pediatric diagnoses of ADHD and the like. Why would I want my children to go through the same terrible experience in the schools that my husband and I had?
While I agree not all kids can learn to read early, I know many kids who learned to read by 5. I myself learned to read by 3 or 4 in two languages. My friend's kid was reading by 2.5. Math follows quickly behind. My kid is 4 and is starting to read small words. A few weeks ago she figured out how to write "poop" and has been laughing like a maniac.
I don't think it should be an expectation at school, I don't think kids can be taught to read en masse at school at a young age, but parents can do so with play and 1-1 instruction.
I also grew up in a very different setting where there were a lot of children but also a corresponding large number of adults, so kids picked up skills from the grownups much faster than settings where it's a nuclear family with lots of kids, or a daycare, or one- two kids with parents and nannies.
There are definitely kids who can do it earlier, but the trend in American education has been to start serious academics earlier and earlier. I'm 36 and when I was a child, kindergarten was optional, half day, and non-academic. It's now full day and they teach the kids to read. Huge change.
My developmentally delayed son is eligible for special education preschool. The local district assumes a child, right after their third birthday, can handle being away from Mommy from 7:40am-2:15pm, five days a week, and that this is THE MOST RESPONSIBLE way to manage a disabled child. Many disabled three year olds are little more than giant babies and it's so sad.
Oh don't get me started on how quickly and easily they expect kids to be away from parents. They don't even bother soothing the children when they cry in some places and that's why I avoided daycare for the longest time.
I went to half day kindergarten in India and they somehow did teach us to read and write, though I mostly remember just waiting for it to be time to go home.